Will Christine O'Donnell's Christian Fundamentalist Supporters Turn The Other Cheek?
Okay, maybe Delaware Senatorial Republican hopeful Christine O’Donnell isn’t a witch, and she didn’t turn me into a newt. But by her own admission, she has dabbled in the occult. Last night, on Bill Maher’s HBO show “Real Time,” the host showed a clip from his old show, “Politically Incorrect,” in which O’Donnell admitted that she “dabbled in witchcraft” and once had a date on a “satanic altar.” Here’s a quote from her October 29, 1999 appearance:
I dabbled into witchcraft. I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do. One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar and I didn’t know it. I mean, there was a little blood there and stuff like that.
We went to a movie and then had a little picnic on a satanic altar.
With the news of Tea Party-backed Christine O’Donnell’s victory in the Delaware Republican Senate primary, the Democrats have one more name to add to the list of crazy. We’ve known about Sharron Angle for months and about Michele Bachmann for years (see “Doubling Down on the Crazy”), but Ms. O’Donnell’s brand of wingnuttia may be new to our readers. So, as a public service, we are offering a compendium of crazy.
Ms. O’Donnell has publicly stated that:
- The kiss between Britney Spears and Madonna at MTV’s 2003 VMAs was pathetic and icky (or something to that effect).
- She is against nude sunbathing (Source: Transcript of Aug. 23, 2000 Fox News segment “Should Sunbathing in Buff be Banned Altogether?”).
“I mean, it is very difficult, I’m sure, for a man to sit there and stare at his girlfriend naked and not want to go a little bit further.”
“We’re doing a great disservice to our young people because the only protection is abstinence, as condoms have been proven fallible….The federal government should not be telling young people to use condoms….It’s also an insult to teenagers, reducing them to the level of a dog that can’t control its hormones.” [Washington Times, 12/1/95]
- Abstinence-only programs have been an enormous success [Source: Hannity & Colmes, 6/6/00], even though they have proven not to work.
“Overwhelmingly, programs that teach abstinence only have an incredible success rate because you’re not giving them a confused message.”
- Co-ed dorm rooms will lead to “orgy rooms” [Source: Washington Times, 9/18/03].
Dorm life has evolved into a blending of the sexes, from coed buildings to coed floors, coed bathrooms and now even coed rooms,”
“The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. You can’t masturbate without lust!”
[and...]
“…if he already knows what pleases him, and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”
See the video here:
Clearly, Ms. O’Donnell has issues, but why should all of us suffer?
A recent study found that 93 percent of all Americans have masturbated and that the other 7 percent are liars. Okay, I made that one up, but you get the point. It’s a time-honored hobby that has even shown to have medicinal benefits for men in the fight against prostate cancer. But I suppose Ms. O’Donnell would counter that masturbation constitutes preventative medicine and should not be covered under any circumstances – either by the government or by private insurance.
Of course, if masturbation is a mortal sin, then the seventh level of hell must be more crowded than an L.A. freeway at rush hour. Talk about a bubble economy. I’ve single-handedly put one ginormous down payment on my future “Hellhole in Hades” condominium, although I hear it has a killer view of the boiling river of blood.
But perhaps Ms. O’Donnell’s clear aversion to human sexuality may be making her a bit paranoid.
“They are — they are doing that here in the United States. American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains. So they’re already into this experiment.”
Of course, we all know that happened years ago over at Warner Brothers. But thankfully, all of The Brain’s efforts to take over the world have been thwarted to date.
Christine O'Donnell's Greatest Fear
But despite the obvious opportunity for snark, Democrats misunderestimate underestimate candidates like Ms. O’Donnell (and Christian theocrats like David Barton) at their peril. We have done it repeatedly in the past, and it has allowed them to present themselves as “mainstream.” Many of them will not be satisfied until we live in a Christian fundamentalist theocracy free from dissent or other religions. We at The Donkey Edge have written about this fact in our Beck University series here, here, and here.
In a C-SPAN appearance the Huffington Post unearthed from December 1996, the Delaware Republican said it was a “misconception that you, quote unquote, can’t legislate morality.”
“The reality of that statement is that if you don’t legislate one morality then you are legislating somebody else’s morality,” she said. “So you can’t get around legislating morality.”
We also need to realize that, as crazy as these candidates have become, this strain of conservatismis nothing new.
Our good friend Digby has an excellent post detailing the fact that the Tea Party is nothing more than the amalgam of all the right-wing fringe groups coalescing under one banner. As usual, Digby hits it right on the head:
“One thing to remember, however — while these people have been around forever, this is the first time they have become a truly powerful institutional force in the Republican party. They have moved smartly into the vacuum left by the Cheney failure and they have done it in a time of crisis, which gives them opportunities they wouldn’t normally have. They are more dangerous today than usual and if they win these seats this fall they cause some very serious trouble.”
We may have thwarted The Brain, but we still have a ton of work to do to defeat this radical fringe. And it is a battle we must wage without end.
I vowed to drop out of Beck University. The weekly “lessons” caused my migraines to flare up. They threatened me with expulsion (apparently talking back in class is a real Bozo No-No). And I had run out of bullshit repellant. But like John McCain to “Jersey Shore,” I couldn’t turn away from watching the train wreck of human ignorance.
So I girded my loins and braced for the most painful and frightening double feature I had ever endured. No, not “The Creeping Terror” and “Troll 2”, but Beck University “professors” James Stoner and David Barton. On second thought, perhaps it’s the same thing.
As with any double bill, the evening began with the “B” movie – still scary enough to give you a few chills but merely whetting your appetite for the hair-raising, spine-tingling, bladder-emptying feature attraction.
In the first “lesson,” James Stoner proceeded to give an 8th grade civics lesson on the Constitution, specifically the Separation of Powers and the system of checks and balances it created. Stoner is the most accomplished “faculty” member at Beck U (he is an actual professor at LSU), and he delivered his lecture in the same manner in which he would an ordinary lesson – boring, verbose, and repetitive.
And like all “B” movies, I kept wondering when the story would start.
Separation of powers creates a divided government… blah, blah, blah… Should I get up and get a soda? Hmmmm… Checks and balances “checks” the powers of each individual branch against the other… Zzzzzzz… I think I still have a package of the Orville Redenbacher Ultimate Butter Microwave Popcorn… Yumm!
Finally… at end of the 2nd Act the monster comes out. Here’s what Stoner snarled about the Necessary and Proper Clause:
Since the New Deal, there has been a presumption on the part of Congress and the president that, if there is a problem, the federal government is the first entity to look for a solution.
Damn right, Skippy. I’d say the government did a good job of bailing us out of the Great Depression, winning World War Two, creating a vibrant middle class, enabling millions to attend college, expanding civil rights… I could go on.
But the monster really popped out of the closet when Stoner wrapped up his lecture on judicial review. Boy, nothing gets a right-winger more worked up than Marbury v. Madison. The horns came out as Stoner spat out the following:
Judicial review was not understood at that time to be power given to the courts to roam through the statute books and strike down whatever injustice they saw.
But I guess in a monster’s world, slavery would still be legal, separate but “equal” would still apply, women and minorities would not have the right to vote, and single people wouldn’t be allowed to use contraception (see Beck U3: It’s Not A Tumor). But I digress.
Our analysis looked at 13 cases in the period since John Roberts became Chief Justice and found a consistent pattern of the Court taking cases it does not need to hear, answering legal questions not squarely before it, making up new law out of thin air, and settling questions best left to fact finders in lower courts.
As retiring Justice John Paul Stevens said in his dissent in the notorious Citizens United case, “Essentially, five Justices were unhappy with the limited nature of the case before us, so they changed the case to give themselves an opportunity to change the law.”
Now that’s the true horror show.
Enjoy Intermission. Be sure to visit the snack bar.
As we all know, the feature attraction is where we get all the pant-soiling goodness, with even bigger creatures lurking around the bend. And “Faith 103” did not disappoint.
But this sequel on limited government was more of a Tingler.
Apparently, limited government = good government = God’s will. And this was just the teaser. I munched my Hot Tamales with renewed fervor. I wanted to hear more about how our Founding Fathers really wanted to create a theocracy based on Biblical Law – with none other than Thomas Jefferson leading the way.
But Barton rode Jefferson like Mothra into Tokyo to “prove” his case. Here now is the…
Sum of Good Government (According to Jefferson via Barton):
1. Acknowledge and Adore God
As we learned in Beck U. 4, we apply the Transitive Property of Christian Fundamentalism and anytime anyone mentions God, Providence, Deity, etc., they are automatically talking about Christ, which means that they are in fact jonesing for a Christian Fundamentalist Theocracy. According to Barton:
[We aren’t] like France where the rights come from groups of people who decide what the rights are and they can change them whenever they want. [But] that’s what we see across Europe and other countries as well.
Holy Freedom Fries. In Barton’s scary world, rights come from God only, and the government cannot intrude on them or regulate them. I wonder if he realizes this sounds an awful lot like what the Islamic Fundamentalists want – an undying fealty to strict Sharia law.
Be it enacted by the General Assembly that no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinion in matters of religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge, or affect their civil capacities.
2. Exercise Frugality
Again, Barton quotes Jefferson as saying that “public debt is the greatest of dangers to be feared.” True. Jefferson did say this, but if Barton is so frightened of the public debt, why was he a hired as a shill for the RNC and other Republican candidates when they were running up the deficit like strippers in the VIP room during the Smirking Monkey’s administration?
Here’s a visual aid about public debt and the frugality of Republicans:
3. Restrain Infliction Of Injury
Basically, Barton wants to abolish all those icky federal laws and replace them with these ten, which is all anyone really needs because I’ve been known to covet my neighbor’s ass donkey on occasion.
After all, Barton thinks you shouldn’t regulate the good people, just the perverts.
He then cites obstructionist speed limit laws that vary from state to state and how on earth is he to be expected to know the law from state to state and ignorance isn’t a defense and we’re all just screwed. Of course, his argument screams for federal regulations so that the law is consistent from state to state, but I’m expecting too much from the plot here.
4. Encourage Entrepreneurship and Free Enterprise
According to Barton, “the free market system came from the religious leaders in Europe and America” but he admitted that he didn’t have time to prove all that now.
After all, the recent taxpayer bailouts “happened to all the most regulated industries” because when the government gets involved in economics, it destroys economies. You know, industries as horribly regulated as banking, real estate, insurance, etc.
5. Protect Property and Earnings of Citizens
For the climax, Barton suggested that:
- God wants us to own property
- Property taxes are evil
- There are no homeowners in Europe because the government owns all the property
And then Barton ended with a quote from his true God:
The Right's Great God Reagan
And that’s when I soiled my pants and let out a bloodcurdling scream.
I love Keith Olbermann. I’m not ashamed to admit that his fiery brand of political punditry really gets me hot. His take on the issues is a progressive’s dream. And don’t get me started about his Special Comments. But before the “ick factor” gets too much for you, he is wrong about one thing. Glenn Beck isn’t the real-life Lonesome Rhodes: Mike Huckabee is.
Oh, sure, Huckabee doesn’t have the tilt-your-head-back, braying laugh of Andy Griffith’s finest character. But he does play the guitar; he does hail from Arkansas; and he does possess a charming, “aw, shucks” populism that hides an underlying moralistic mean streak that could seriously damage the country if he were ever given the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
A lot has been written the past couple of weeks about Ariel Levy’s New Yorker profile on the pastor, mostly about Huckabee’s “ick factor” remarks and his irrational hatred for guys in tight pants. Of course, both Nancy Pelosi and Helen Thomas are resting easier now that they know Mike’s off their dance card, but even still, the good Reverend should heed Chaucer’s admonition about glass houses and throwing stones. (Which is why I would love to have been a fly on the wall in the Huckabee household yesterday to watch his head explode upon news that parts of DOMA were ruled unconstitutional.)
But if Huckabee’s virulent homophobia isn’t scary enough (the lady doth protest too much?), his true belief in the End of Days should be enough to make you pine for the gentility of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It was an amusing diversion for me as a child when my lovable but Bible-thumping grandmother used to try to save my soul over games of Scrabble by speaking in dulcet tones of the coming Rapture (FYI, “revelations” triple word score is 51), but I don’t trust Huckabee to govern in a secular manner, especially since he’s embraced the dangerous revisionist history of David Barton (the crackpot I warned you about yesterday). We don’t need no stinking separation of church and state.
Do I think Huckabee’s going to go all Martin Sheen in “The Dead Zone” on us? Probably not, but this is the same man who, according to Levy’s New Yorker profile, once wrote the following:
“Everything you do and believe in is directed by your answer to the following question: Is there a God? It all comes down to that single issue.”
Huckabee wants a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage; championed laws as Arkansas governor that prohibited gays from adopting; blocked Medicare funding of an abortion for a mentally retarded teenager who was raped by her stepfather; and carried out the death penalty more than any other Arkansas governor – to say nothing of the various ethics troubles he constantly found himself in due to “gifts” he received from donors and some of his political appointees. How’s that for God’s work?
Perhaps it’s way too early to be thinking about the 2012 presidential race, but it’s never too early to size up one’s opponent. And I think Huckabee might just pull off the nomination. He’s affable and homey-folksy; just mavericky enough to break from Republican orthodoxy on a couple of issues (raising taxes to pay for schools, highways, and children’s health, for example); pleads poverty when it comes to fundraising (therefore fooling the voters into thinking he isn’t bought and sold); calls himself an underdog in his own party; and demurs on whether he’s even running in 2012.
What’s more, Palin will still be felled by her “deer in the headlights” moments (which is why the nattering nabobs on “Morning Joe” were – as usual – off their rocker yesterday morning); Romney flip-flops more than a fish on dry land; and Gingrich reminds everyone of their annoying uncle who chased them around family gatherings screaming “pull my finger, pull my finger.” (Pawlenty is just plain boring.)
Certainly, Huckabee’s commutation of Maurice Clemmons’ sentence (Clemmons’ later shot four police officers in Washington) and his support of the early release of Wayne DuMond (who later molested and killed a woman in Missouri) could eventually derail his nomination, but just watch, he’s waiting for the “Great Evangelical Grassroots Movement” to carry him to the nomination and into the White House. Either that or the Lord will call him to serve, just as, Levy writes, Huckabee truly believed it was “God’s divine providence” that made him governor of Arkansas in the wake of the Jim Guy Tucker controversy of the mid-1990s.
I have had a vision that I am going to be President of the United States someday. And nobody, and I mean *nobody* is going to stop me!
To put it succinctly, Huckabee combines the thin-skinned vindictiveness and moral absolutism of George W. Bush with the affable but underlying mendacity of Ronald Reagan. President Huckabee? Talk about the apocalypse.
My wife and I already tens of thousands in debt from attending various institutes of higher learning, I figured another $9.95 wouldn’t matter, so I enrolled in Beck University. The expense was easily justifiable in my mind due to the riches I would mine in horselaughs, guffaws, and mockable moments – all of which I would pass along in the spirit of comic relief from these troubled times. And who wouldn’t want to add an M.A. (Moronis Asinines) to their list of accomplishments?
The modern-day P.T. Barnum conjures up his next circus act
But my right-wing funhouse soon turned into a house of horrors, as I was treated to an approximately 30-minute lecture (presumably the outer limits of a wing-nut’s attention span) that covered our Founding Fathers and the birth of our nation. I had clearly picked the wrong day to give up drinking.
What unfolded was a “lecture” about the so-called “Black-Robed Regiment” – apparently a band of Evangelical Christian preachers that invoked from the Bible the political and moral underpinnings upon which the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were based and that single-handedly defeated the British at the battles of Concord, Lexington, and Bunker Hill. Ever heard of the “Black-Robed Regiment”? Me neither. It sounds like an obscure 1990s Steven Seagal film.
Over one of the most harrowing half hours of my entire life, I also learned that the principles of American government were based on the “best forms of government listed in the Bible”; that these preachers were the true framers of the Declaration of Independence (Jefferson was merely its scribe); and that the Founding Fathers never really intended on a separation of church and state (despite what my lying eyes tell me when I read the First Amendment). I’ve killed off less brain cells at a Sigma Nu Mardi Gras party.
So who “learned” me all that? David Barton. A pseudo-historian with limited academic credentials who has peddled this Evangelical revisionist history in order to propagate a right-wing utopia of a Christian nation – all with made-up facts and thoroughly debunked quotes. People for the American Way have the details:
Academic historians, according to the New York Times, give Barton’s work at best a “B minus,” noting that while the historical facts he cites are more or less accurate, his biased interpretation of them is not. [17] The Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty said that Barton’s work is “laced with exaggerations, half-truths and misstatements of fact” [18] and the Texas Freedom Network calls him “a pseudo-intellectual fraud whose twisted interpretations of history are little more than propaganda.” [19]
[…]
Barton specializes in uncovering the “lost history” of America, a history that Barton claims shows that the Founding Fathers intended to create a government “firmly rooted in biblical principles.” But to do so, he relies on the writings of obscure figures such as Francis Hopkins and Benjamin Rush while ignoring or disputing the conventionally accepted history regarding the views of men such as Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and James Madison. As [Texas Monthly’s Nate] Blakeslee correctly notes, it is “the big picture that Barton’s books deliberately ignore: that the views on religion and government of figures like Benjamin Rush fell into obscurity not because of some conspiracy but because they failed to carry the day.”[26]
Of course, the most frightening thing about this whole farce is that assholes like the Moral Majority, the Republican Party, and Glenn Beck give this guy a national forum that legitimizes him in the eyes of the public. The RNC does it purely for political gain. But what does Beck get out of this? Why your ten dollars, and the chance to sell you oodles and oodles of branded merchandise to feed his million-dollar empire.
But once this poison gets out into the public consciousness, it never goes away, especially among the true believers and the tin-foil hat crowd. That’s why we dismiss these crackpots and their propaganda at our peril. Once again, People for the American Way:
In 2005, Derek Davis, the director of the JM Dawson Institute of Church-State Studies at Baylor University, said of Barton: “He’s not a trained historian. He can be very convincing to an uninitiated audience. He’s intelligent. He’s well-spoken. But a lot of what he presents is a distortion of the truth.
[…]
[And] even though Barton was forced to publicly retract several statements, the false information had already been entered into the public domain where it continues to propagate unchallenged.
Unfortunately, Barton’s propaganda has already infected the body politic in a very harmful way. He was very instrumental in making sure this “lost history” was included in the new breed of textbooks coming out of Texas. And before we all comfort ourselves by thinking that only kids in Texas will grow up with a warped and wholly inaccurate view of American history (and screw them for choosing to live in a red state anyway, right?), these textbooks will be sold across the country and instituted in a school district near you.
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